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Monday, March 19, 2012

When Christians Behave Badly

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When you see Christians behaving badly, don’t you wonder what the deal is? Shouldn’t knowing Jesus make a major difference in the way people think, the words people speak, and the actions people take?

A common misconception is that being a Christ-follower should result in perfection. And so non-Christians, starting from this basis, cry foul when Christians mess up (i.e., sin). Being honest, I cry foul too when I see Christians—including myself—behaving badly.

Well, yesterday’s message at my church touched on this dilemma. Our pastor taught from 1 John 1:6–2:2. Here’s a little something I’m chewing on from his message:

If we say we know God and still sin, we lie.
“If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth” (1:6). So it’s true—knowing Jesus should make a difference in how we live.

If we say we have no sin, we are deceived.
“If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. . . . If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar and His word is not in us” (1:8, 10). It’s also true that we all sin—even those who know Jesus.

Uh oh. Now we’re stuck! We can’t go on sinning if we know God, and if we say aren’t sinning so that we can claim to know God, we are deceived.

It’s in this stuck place that God comes to our rescue and gives us the means to deal with it.

When we sin, we need to be honest about it.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1:9).

We can be honest about our sin because we have Jesus.
“And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and He Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world” (2:1–2).

Do Christians behave badly? Yes. Sin is common to all, Christian and non-Christian alike. And that sin is so serious that Jesus paid the price for it, dying on the cross. That’s why John tells us: “My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin.”

But focusing on Christians and behavior misses the beauty of the story. This story isn’t about us and how we are measuring up to a standard of perfection. The story is about something much greater: It’s about God who manifests Himself through imperfect people when they walk in the Light and who shows His glorious grace to imperfect people when they walk in the dark.

 

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Not Who I Was and Not Who I Will Be

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What I saw was real. I wish it wasn’t.

But there is no escaping the truth now; I’ve seen it and it is forever imprinted on my heart.

It’s been four weeks since I returned from India. The travel fog has lifted, and my work life has returned to its typical rhythm.

Life is normal once again—but it’s not really the same sort of normal. Because what I saw now goes with me in my working and my chatting and my errand-running. I’m no longer me; I am me plus everything I experienced in India.

I saw the places—the very rooms—where women and girls are enslaved for nightly brutalization. I met some of these young-but-old women who exist in these conditions—at least until disease and horrific treatment will take them to an early death.

If I close my eyes, I see dank walls . . . I see dungeon-like alcoves only large enough for a cot . . . I see children playing in the alleyways, just years away from being sold into the madness.

This is why my old normal doesn’t work any more.

I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it
I heard what I heard and I can’t go back
I know what I know and I can’t deny it
something on the road, cut me to the soul
your pain has changed me, your dream inspires
your face a memory, your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I’m afraid of
and what I know of love
—“I Saw What I Saw,” Sara Groves

My new normal doesn’t feel comfortable, really. I feel awkward, bumbling.

And so I keep going back to Jesus, asking Him to help me embrace the discomfort rather than shrug it off. There are little girls in India just days, weeks, and months away from permanent enslavement. What is my discomfort compared to that?

So if I haven’t seemed like myself lately, that’s because I’m not.

 

Monday, March 5, 2012

Learning Christ

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"Rough Road," Old Sacramento, 2011

Christians are often labeled hypocrites. Oftentimes the label is warranted. I wish this were not true; I especially wish it were not true in my own life.

And so I keep running back to Jesus. He forgives my discrepancies and encourages me to keep on, even in the face of failure.

Sometimes I wish there was a Get Holy Quick button that I could push so that my hypocrisies would no longer tarnish the name of Christ. Instead, God gives grace for every failing, which makes no sense to those on Hypocrite Watch. It hardly makes sense to me.

With each failure, I learn something deeper about God’s mercy. I experience something richer about the forgiveness of Christ. Without these failings, what need would I have of a Savior? Coming to Jesus doesn’t eradicate my need: It makes me more aware of it.

Yesterday my pastor preached from Ephesians 4:17–24, in which Paul is speaking to the believers at the church in Ephesus. He compares those who don’t know God to those who do. Those who don’t know God are excluded from His life, causing dim understanding in spiritual matters and a heart that is hard against God. Then Paul says to the believers: “But you did not learn Christ in this way” (v. 20).

Believers have learned Christ in a way that is different. Knowing Him, learning Him, leads to a desire to put off the old ways of life that exclude us from God and cause a hardened heart.

Believers learn Jesus is Life and the one who gives us new hearts that desire Him above all else.

Believers also learn that knowing Jesus is relational; it’s progressive. It’s inch by inch, knowing more and more that Jesus is everything He’s promised.

I don’t know Jesus perfectly. But I am learning Him.

 

Friday, February 17, 2012

Things I Love about India

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In less than eight hours I leave India.

[sigh.]

Of course I miss the Hubster, and I am so happy to get home to him. But my heart longs to stay, to spend time with the daughters in this incredible family I’ve come to know and love.

I thought I would post more often during my stay. But the time has been so full—in a great way. I simply haven’t had enough time to process and put words together. I’ll write more in the coming week, but for now, here are some closing snippets written on location from half a world away.

Fabulous Food
I had curry almost daily, sometimes at all three meals. Amazingly, I’m really not tired of it, but I do miss my usual foods (plain-old animal crackers, granola, fruit, etc.). I’ve even found a new comfort food in Chipati, the soft tortilla-like bread used to eat the curry. One night we had a tandoori chicken dish served with mint chutney; the chutney was so good I could have eaten it like soup. I asked for the recipe, so Mike and I will be having it regularly come grilling season.

Street Happenings
If you are bored in India, just go out to the streets. Here’s a list of the things I’ve seen: stray dogs, cows, goats, and wild hogs (too many to count); Indian wedding festivities (at least five); voting booths;  political rallies and celebrations; a camel; priests rolling down the highway for some sort of ritual (two); a pedestrian hit by a vehicle (he was able to hobble away from it, thankfully); women carrying goods on their heads; fruit and vegetable carts; buses and rickshaws crammed with people until bursting; and crazy traffic that weaves together like a choreographed dance (amazingly, without crashing).

Beautiful People, Darling Girls
The people I’ve met have been extremely warm and welcoming. We were greeted with flowers at least three times (which made me feel like a princess), and we were given places of honor (which made me feel sort of awkward).

The girls I met were beyond words! They have taken up a spot in my heart and mind, and I willingly make room for them! I wish I could stay to help them with their English and their studies so their dreams would come true. My heart broke today when the little ones said, “Erin Didi, come! We want to play with you!” . . . and I couldn’t, because we had to leave. A heart that loves much, aches much.

If you haven’t seen these girls, visit the As Our Own Facebook page (and give it a Like!). Almost all the photos there are of the daughters in the family, the very ones I’ve been privileged to meet.

 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Blessing Bingo

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No one should take a trip without a little something called Blessing Bingo. Dearest friend Krista made these cards for us, keeping us alert to all that God would do in our midst during our travels. Sherry Didi, Ali Didi, and I have enjoyed chatting about the squares we’ve been able to cross off. Here’s what has filled my card and heart to the full just four days into the trip.

Was pure in heart > so aware of my need for humility and so grateful to be part of God’s Kingdom

Was a peacemaker > in my own heart by refusing to let worry steal away these precious memories (“Be still and know that I am God”)

Mourned > the loss of life and freedom for those in the district

Read a good book > A Horse and His Boy, C. S. Lewis—makes my heart soar!

Talked to husband > on Skype—what a blessing to stay connected although we’re half-a-world away

Witnessed the drama of redemption > upon seeing the shining life and hope of the littlest girls after seeing the wrenching darkness of the district

Was shown kindness > by everyone I’ve met, offering me a warm welcome accompanied with singing, dancing, flowers

Slept well > loving the cool breeze of Indian nights

Arrived in India with luggage > amen!

Reminded of hope > as the oldest girls shared their dreams for the future

Connected with a child > my heart skips a beat every time I hear one of the girls call out, “Over here, Erin Didi!”

Talked about Jesus > during devotional with the girls

Was poor in spirit > constantly being reminded of my need for the Lord (and have found Him so very faithful every step)

Saw the sunrise > thanks to the jet lag

Hungered for righteousness > longing for God’s life to manifest within me

Made a friend > learning some simple words and phrases from the staff

Good time in the Word > camping out in my favorite passages from Isaiah

Ate something delicious > curry! pistachio ice cream!

Worked for the Gospel > writing of all God is doing here via blog and future article ideas

Sang with Indian Christians > enjoyed a favorite, “Hosanna in the Highest”

Laughed > tons! with staff team (ping pong)

Worshipped God in another country > during a wide sunset on the open prairie

 

Monday, February 13, 2012

Heart Overload

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It’s only been four days but I’ve had experiences aplenty. Here are some highlights. Enjoy!

Best.Bus.Ride.Ever.
Happiness is riding in a bus with 30-plus giggly, giddy girls between the ages of 10 and 20. There were introductions that could hardly be heard, followed by giggles from the girls as I tried to repeat these exotic names I have never heard before. I wanted to know each one on the first try but that proved impossible. The ride was way too short; we dropped them off first and as their liveliness left the bus, I felt them steal my heart away with them. And then it was so quiet, all I could do was breathe and fight back the emotion. How can so many beauties live under one roof?! And how could I be so completely enchanted after just 15 minutes?! I can still hear their chatter and feel the warmth of their smiles.

You Can’t Plan Stuff Like This
The 10 oldest girls came over Sunday afternoon for a special discussion session with us. We asked them to think about how God has gifted each one of them, and then we asked them to share their dreams for how God might use their gifts as they pursue college, career, and family. What an honor to be part of this discussion! These gals spoke with great maturity and tenderheartedness, proclaiming how they will tell of God’s goodness to them from generation to generation. Tears were flowing, but they were the good kind, the kind that come from the deep places and express more than words ever could. God met us there, enveloping us with His presence. So far this is my top treasured memory.

Pretty Patterns Everywhere
This country is anything but plain. From clothing and jewelry to architecture and paint selections, India is a feast for the eyes. Patterns can also be found on women via henna body painting. A few of the gals came over just before we went to bed to treat us to their mehndi art skills. They created their designs on our arms and hands and then we gingerly crawled into bed with our arms outstretched to let it dry for the night. In the morning we sloughed off the residue to expose the tattoo that will last a week or so. Patterns could also be found in the fabrics sets given to us by the staff. A tailor stopped by for measurements, and come tomorrow we will have custom made outfits. I’ve said it before: Indian women know how to dress. The embroidery, embellishments, and detail on their clothing make my clothes look completely drab. I cannot wait to see what the tailor concocts!

Oddments
staff ping-pong matches. animal counts. mac-n-cheese night. staff prayer at sunset. seeing the girls dance and hearing them sing. listening to a sermon I couldn’t understand (but loving every word of it!). bongos! scarves. prairie walk. delicious food. starry skies. trusting in God with all that’s in me.

 

Friday, February 10, 2012

A Deep Contrast

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My heart and brain can’t keep with the experiences I’ve had on this adventure to India. Jetlag isn’t helping my effort to process—the time from my U.S. Wednesday to my Indian Friday are lumped together as one long day. All I can do is describe the experiences I’ve had in the general order of occurrence.

Preface
It’s never fun to be dropped into to the middle of a story with no context. So let me explain: I’m in India with the staff of As Our Own, an organization that stands in the gap on behalf of children in danger of being exploited and enslaved.

Travel Round Up
Here’s how it went down: We left Chicago Wednesday evening, taking an eight-hour flight to Frankfurt. After a five-hour layover, we had another eight-hour flight to India. The flights were great! But exhausting and disorienting. Upon arrival, we went to our hotel for naps and showers, and a delicious breakfast at the hotel (I had an omelet and curry with sweet potatoes).

The Darkness
We visited the red-light district. I have never in all my life felt such a heavy darkness. My heart was raging at the injustice and exploitation. How is this place for real? There is no price too great for getting another slave’s daughter out before she gets sucked into this horrific existence. I saw children running about in this dark place; they have just a few years before they will be inducted into the permanent madness. I can’t stand it.

The In-Between
Overwhelmed is the only way to describe the aftermath of the walk-through. Such sadness for the loss of life, the dismal existence. I had to talk myself down from a total melt. The emotions are tucked just under the surface. Watch out, people! One poke, and it will all come gushing out.

The Bright Hope
Later in the afternoon we traveled to Faith Home, where 30-some girls have been rescued from life paths that were leading them straight to district existence. Their singing-and-rose-petal welcome filled my heart with inexplicable joy. All I could think was this is redemption. Their praises to Jesus made me cry. All the kids I saw earlier in the day need to be in this love-filled, safe place.

Prayer, Please
My prayers are now filled with the contrast between the district and the As Our Own family. I am greedy for the district kids to have the latter, to have life. There is much more ahead, so I ask for prayer support:

That I would take my experiences and process them into new communications for As Our Own

That I would let my heart continue to break for these things that break God’s heart

That I would be filled with God’s love and presence so I have something worthwhile to give others

 

Monday, February 6, 2012

Practicing Rest

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There is something about travel—especially long-distance travel—that prods the heart to consider matters of safety and security. Our hearts tend to find comfort in familiarity, the very thing that most trips lack.

My upcoming trip to India weighs in heavy on the Unknown Scale. I’ve never been there. I’ve never been on a plane more than eight hours. I’ve never traveled to places requiring shots and pills. I’ve never spoken to others via interpreter.

There are plenty of unfamiliar things ahead of me. In that dark unknown, I wonder about the unsafe and the insecure I might face. And I wonder if what I’ve known of God in the light of the known and familiar will buoy me in the dark of the the unknown and unfamiliar. I rest in the truth that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever . . . that He is the same whether I walk in the bright morning light or the dark night of the soul.

Although I am not (yet?!) experiencing the sort of anxiety about this trip that makes your insides fight against itself, I cannot deny the unease that has been catching me off guard this week. It pushes me to practice resting in the One who has rescued me, bought me, and made all things new for me.

Two conversations have resonated within me this week, helping me rest.

The first was with dear friend and fellow book lover Vera. She was encouraging me with a story from her own mission adventure to Papua New Guinea some years ago. She said,”Safety is not a place; it’s a Person.” This reminded me of my favorite lessons from Corrie ten Boom’s biography, The Hiding Place. She says, “There are no ‘ifs’ in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places.” She also said, “In the center of a hurricane there is absolute peace and quiet. There is no safer place than in the center of the will of God.” (Thanks, Vera!)

The second conversation was with my Lodge Ladies. We were lamenting how fear coaxes us into shrinking back from opportunities to tell of God’s goodness. Fear whispers the risk is too great—speaking up may result in embarrassment or shame. But living life according to fear isn’t really living. If I am to be poured out as a drink offering for the Lord, it will require everything. It will require my desire to save face and look good in others’ eyes. The wonderful part is, the price I pay in what I give up is chump change compared to the riches of living all out for God. I want to live a full life, unrestricted by my own insecurities. (Thanks, Lodge Ladies!)

Both of these conversations prick upon my heart’s desire for safety and security (physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually). I’m so very grateful that God promises me safety and security in Christ Jesus beyond what this life inflicts. I’ll close with a favorite passage (it’s lengthy, I know, but the richness is worth the read, I promise!), which proclaims the beautiful familiarity of the safety and security found in Jesus:

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Monday, January 23, 2012

Stay Tuned for God’s Version of My Life

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I’m India bound.

February 8 I will board a plane that will send me halfway around the world and approximately 8,226 miles from home. This trip is the culmination of a journey that began just over a year ago, when I first started developing communications for As Our Own.

I didn’t realize that working for As Our Own would become one of those major section dividers in the story of my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think the story of my life would include the topics of India and fighting child exploitation or that I would get to write about the transforming work that God is doing in places I’ve never been. How grateful I am that God is the one writing my story, because His version is way better than mine.

Although I’ve posted here at The Patch about As Our Own many times, you may not have read those entries . . . in brief, As Our Own works in India, standing in the gap for children who are at risk for life-long bondage, in treacherous situations that would lead to exploitation in the sex trade, organized begging, or bonded labor.

This work takes several forms. First is the immediate rescue of children who are in danger of exploitation and enslavement. They are adopted into the lifelong As Our Own family where they become beloved daughters, for life.

Another aspect of the work addresses the systemic, long-term issues that put children at risk. Without the transforming power of God’s love, there will always be another child to rescue. As Our Own fosters root-level transformation by equipping the Church and leaders to build strong communities where predators can no longer prey upon the innocent.

This is the beautiful work God is doing in the beautiful country of India. I cannot believe I get to be part of it. And I cannot believe I get to go there!

Many of you are curious what I will be doing on my trip. The goal is that I would see with my own eyes what I have been writing about for the past year! I want to be a sponge, soaking up everything I might need for future writing projects. I want to be a curious reporter, full of wonder and probing questions about a country and a people and a culture I have grown to love. I want to be a servant, willing to pour myself out in love and humility in whatever way I am prompted.

As far as day-to-day happenings, these are the sorts of things I will experience:

  • meet the 70-plus daughters in the As Our Own family
  • lead devotional sessions with the girls
  • meet the girls’ live-in staff, caretakers, and care directors
  • gather story leads and information for future communications
  • learn all I can about India’s society and culture
  • visit As Our Own’s Hope College, meeting the professors and students
  • visit an As Our Own–supported Lighthouse Church, meeting the pastor and congregants

This brief overview surely won’t do my trip justice! I don’t know how to explain a trip I’ve never taken to a land I’ve never visited to meet people I’ve only heard about, read about, and written about. I will be learning as I go, and I plan to post reports here during my stay.

I hope you will visit The Patch February 8–18 to discover what I am discovering. This is one story I don’t want to miss! (Thank You, God!)

 

Monday, January 16, 2012

Knowing and Not Knowing

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Snow has finally descended upon us here in central Illinois. It was late coming. The snowy streets make for unpleasant driving (and running!) conditions, but there is something calming about it.

Landscapes cloaked in sparkly white whisper, “Hush, be still.” And so I did just that—I watched the flakes fall and gather, building up along the window frame and in the crooks of the now-barren branches. The stillness builds up in me, and I am humbled by the wonder of it all.

I rest in knowing that He is God, and I am not.

This knowing what I know, and knowing I don’t know it all, is a gift. Call it wisdom, maturity, humility—whatever it is, without it pride and arrogance take over, making a wreck of the stillness.

I cannot claim knowledge about the world when there is a world of mystery swirling about within me—of all things, shouldn’t I be most aware of who I am? In the stillness, I am confronted with how little I know, about the universe out there and in here. I know I am not God but at times I live like I am.

It wasn’t just the falling snow that has stirred these thoughts. I’ve been reading The Social Animal by David Brooks for the High Calling book club (you are welcome to join the club—get the book and participate in discussion each Monday). It is a fascinating mix of fiction laced with psychological fact. Brooks is using fictional characters as a backdrop for explaining how relationships make us who we are. Although the main character is a guy named Harold, Brooks couldn’t being with Harold; Harold begins with his parents and the relationship they built together which produced this guy. After getting a good picture of the parents, we can see how they raised Harold and how that shaped him.

Our reading for this week takes us through chapter 6; Harold is yet a young boy, but we are beginning to see his personality emerge from events he will never remember. The daily relational interactions make us who we are . . . but we won’t remember them specifically. Brooks says:

This is why all biographies are inadequate; they can never capture the inner currents. This is why self-knowledge is limited. Only a few remarkable people can sense the way early experience has built models in the brain. Later in life we build fictions and theories to paper over the mystery of what is happening deep inside, but in childhood, the inexplicableness of the world is still vivid and fresh, and sometimes hits with terrifying force. 1

The inner currents within my own heart and soul often rush me down rivers I would rather not travel. They are powerful. It takes mere seconds for currents to overwhelm whatever stillness I had found. That’s why I have built my own fictional sense of reality to make sense of my inner universe—because I cannot control it. Giving it a label, naming the mystery, makes me feel more at ease with it. I know the Johari Window is true.

Truer still is that God knows me in all my quadrants. He knows all mysteries that current inside me and throughout the universe. And that’s why I can be still, knowing what I know . . . and what I don’t.

_______________

Read other book club participant posts from this week.

_______________
Sources
1. David Brooks, The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement (New York, NY: Random House, 2011), 85.

 

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